Latest blog from Seb

MY SON MOVES OUT It has come to pass. My son has moved out. How does it feel? Very, very mixed. It's early days, but 4 weeks in, and having spent an afternoon with him visiting here, I can start to reflect on things. It was emotional to see him. I'd seen him for an hour or so after work a couple of weeks ago. I had a quick, almost furtive tour of his new workplace and had a few words with one of his employers (every time anyone speaks to me about my son I realise how popular he is). Then we went for a civilised coffee. We had lots to talk about, it almost poured out of us. It all felt right. Then the afternoon visit. It was nearly postponed due to lack of cash for bus fare. An hour later than expected came a ring at the door. The first thing is how good it feels to see him, it's him! Straight away we had to adjust to the harsh reality that as Celtic fans the match we'd come together to watch was going to turn out wrong. After some cursing and lamentations we switched the TV off. The next few hours were spent in an easy manner. One of my dads was staying and he'd taken the initiative that morning (when my back was turned) to wade into my son's room and create order from chaos. I was a bit worried how my son would react but he seemed fine about it. The visit ended (after plenty of food) with a kickabout in the sunshine outside, just like the old days. I felt moved by the afternoon. By my son moving away, taking a few steps to some sort of independence, his life, and mine, has undergone major change. All the old routines, territorial and psychological conflicts, assumptions and expectations are basically no more. (What is there to argue over?). What is left is the essence of our relationship, which I realise, is pretty good. Also there's lots of good will, curiosity and positivity about the new situation. And there's the truth that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It helps that my son is in a good situation. He's sharing a nice flat with 2 cousins he gets on well with. It's relatively cheap. He's started what could be an ideal job learning to renovate pianos. He seems to have taken to it, rising to the challenge. He's in a good position to pursue his dream of being in a rock band – that's all going well. He needs to improve his budgeting skills and to make sure he does his share of housework. But so far, and long may it continue, there's nothing for me to worry about. Even if my aunt reminded me the other day that we only know about 10% of what our kids are doing or thinking. For me I'm now the king of my castle. Not that it's that different, but there's a feeling of greater freedom (or is it control?). Like cooking dinner for ten o'clock at night because I want to. Most things carry on the same. Work is the main structure in your life. You get out a couple of nights a week. The rest of the time you happily relax with a book, listen to some music, watch a film or a football match on the telly. I wonder about the opportunities for new experiences, new changes, new relationships. I feel some dislocation. One downer is I'm still adjusting to being worse off after the end of child benefit and child tax credits. Trips away, nights out and new stuff for the flat have to be rationed. The future is still to be written. I'm hopeful that my son moving out is a positive and significant step for him. This will always be a bolt-hole. Finally in what may become a regular feature I want to pay tribute to those advancing the single parenting cause or progressing wider social justice. Many of us are regular public transport users – when I think back to pushchairs, shopping and buses I wonder how I coped. So I salute the new breed of women bus drivers. They can certainly drive, are considerate and helpful, will smile and joke, and look pretty good in a uniform!